What is the first thing you do when you mess up?
Do you go right for the jugular and start criticizing yourself?
Are you constantly second guessing yourself on choices you make or have made in the past?
What do you tell yourself when things don't go according to plan?
We live in a world of constant stress - our relationships, our careers, our bodies, the planet, our community - it can seem as if it's all one big mess. Our ability to see things as they are has been lost. Instead of observing and witnessing what is going on, we tend to internalize it and immediately either start to blame someone or something, or even, worse, we start to condemn ourselves for not knowing what to do or what we "should" have done.
What if everything was working out exactly as it was supposed to? Even the turbulence.
What if the mistake you made was exactly what needed to happen in order for you to grow and learn? What if you took the pressure off yourself to get it right - all the time? What would that look like for you? How would that make a difference in how you speak to yourself?
I believe we all could use a lot more self-compassion. Compassion is having sympathy or concern for the sufferings and misfortunes of others. We can call up compassion on a dime when a friend needs it, when the world suffers a catastrophe. So, why can't we provide that same compassion for ourselves when we fuck up, when we make a mistake?
Perfectionism. If you grew up in a society and culture that was about bigger, better, faster, more, (and we all did) it would be ingrained in you to keep striving to make things perfect. Thusly, when they turn out less than perfect we immediately betray ourselves and place blame. This is a sure fire way to stay locked in victim mentality and in survival mode. What if we stopped blaming and simply started witnessing life happening?
What if you didn't have to be perfect? Can you give yourself permission to do something messy and be okay with it? Better yet, what if you messing up was you - being perfect?
Having self-compassion is the radical act of self love we all could use more of these days. Some days are going to be turbulent - emotions will run high, the check will bounce, we fight with our loved ones, we burn the dinner. What if those were all okay? How can you choose differently so that you feel good - under any situation, in any kind of weather? What would that take?
Self-compassion. Allow yourself to be human. Allow yourself to show up messy AND happy. Allow yourself to burn dinner and know that it probably wasn't in your best interest to eat that anyway. Order pizza and give yourself some grace. We are spiritual beings having this amazing human experience and our soul, the Divine, would never place any judgment on you about what you did right, wrong or imperfect. Our ability to hold self compassion for ourselves is directly related to your relationship with the Divine.
Next time you mess up - witness what thoughts come into your head. And get curious. When a small child messes up - would you scream and yell at them the way you do in your own head? No, you wouldn't. You would behave with compassion, grace and knowing that they may simply not have known better. That they didn't know. That they couldn't have possibly known the outcome - so why belittle them. And so, why belittle yourself?
A little known fact, you don't know it all. None of us do. One of the best practices to get into, every single day, is practice saying, "I don't know."
And leave it at that.
Much Love,
Donnia