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Day 6: The Shame of Being a Woman

Writer's picture: Donnia  AnastasiaDonnia Anastasia

Day 6  The Shame of being a Woman


I was an early bloomer. I got my cycle at the appropriate age, and I was scared about it. I mean, I was bleeding from down there. What the actual fuck? And to add insult to injury, I was thrown a pack of maxi pads through the bathroom door and told, “Welcome to womanhood. You can get pregnant now - so you better not do anything you shouldn’t do.” From the very moment I realized what my body “could” do, I was immediately reinforced with fear, shame and sin.


I was given Are you there God, It’s me Margaret by Judy Blume and was told it should explain everything. It’s not that my mom didn’t talk to me about it - it’s that her attitude toward this new phase of being female was dangerous, that I was dangerous. So, I’d better watch out. God didn’t like sinners. God would judge me harshly if I did anything that gave my body pleasure.


I remember the day I started wearing my first bra. Mom took me to a special woman’s department store and the older lady was very kind to me, so much so, I felt all grown up and special. I wore it home, and looked at myself in the mirror for hours afterward. Thoughts, fantasies, new sensations swirling through my body. Wow, I was a woman now. I felt proud.


And then that evening a relative stopped by to say hello. I was so pleased with myself, my new body (and bra) that I walked around like a peacock strutting myself around. I was hilarious. And then the words came. The words that ring in my ears and in my sacral plexus to this very day.


“Training those puppies now, huh?” the way my relative looked at me as he said it was one of mocking. Mocking my little body and it’s changes. To say I was mortified would be a gross understatement. I froze, looked at him, then my mother and all she did was giggle. Running to my room, eyes filled with tears of embarrassment, shame and hatred for my blossoming body, I suddenly lost all my proud peacock feathers in an instant. I was told to get over it, that he was just joking.

As I sobbed under my covers, waiting for help that never came, I never felt more alone or afraid in my whole life.I was a very sensitive little girl and I had just been verbally assaulted by someone I was told I could trust. SOmeone who loved me dearly. So,on top of the embarrassment and shame, I was left confused about what loving someone sounded like. This is when I lost hope for humor. I lost my innocence that day. I lost trust in my body. 


To this day I cannot talk to, look at or be around this relative because he still makes me feel creepy inside. That little girl lost faith in family. I had no backup. I had no rescue. And I was devastated.


My body has been an ongoing battlefield for love, approval, pleasure, joy and shame, anger, distrust, embarrassment, resentfulness, worthiness. As I watched the world around me objectify, abuse and neglect the feminine aspect in us all, I bought into the story that this was just how it was and I had better accept it and figure out a way to deal with it. Women have come a long way in many arenas, but when it comes to our bodies - we are all still filled with the loss of innocence, of that monster of shame that creeps around our bodies, pretending it’s a cloak of safety. 


Was I ever going to experience true trust and love for my body - the way it was?





Day 6 - Rewrite - Reframing the Shame of being a Woman


One of my favorite things to do, is randomly buy flowers and give them away to the first woman I see. No reason, simply for the fact they exist and have endured more body shame than our male counterparts. And that bravery deserves love, compassion and celebration. If I had a daughter, I envision her transition into womanhood as a whole day long (probably longer) celebration of her and her newfound being. She would get flowers, be taken out to lunch, do anything she wanted to do, in a big hoopla to celebrate her being, her body and her future. She would be showered with all things pleasurable, joyful, loving and there would be deep conversations about her role in this world. I missed that chance, and so I share this story with you, in the hopes that one little insecure girl would never feel shame one day in her life about her body.


In my sober adult years, I have learned and continue to practice many ways of celebrating my body and what it can do. I am dangerous. But not in the way most think.I am dangerous because I know my worth. I am dangerous because I set boundaries. I am dangerous because I have the innate power to create life (had I chosen to). I am dangerous because I no longer seek external validation unconsciously. I am a woman, and yes, that makes me beautifully, incredibly and miraculously dangerous.


I declare, I will no longer allow shame passed on from my ancestors. 

I declare, I will no longer need you to like me. 

I declare, I will no longer tolerate sarcasm from anyone about my body or any female body. 

I declare, I will care and nourish my body the way it deserves

I declare, I will love, honor and cherish my body as it is right now.

I declare, I will be proud of my body, of the softness of my belly and the light in my eyes.

I declare, I will stand up for, encourage and champion all women in their quest for a Shame-Free Existence.

I declare, I will remember where I have come from - the divine source of all things - and know that this experience I had, am having and will have is all part of the divine lessons my soul came to learn on this planet earth life school.

I declare, I will trust myself to guide me in all areas of my life.

I declare, I will be grateful for the opportunity I have been given to heal my tender heart, my inherited baggage and be an example of what I means to hold my divine feminine with grace and compassion.


I declare all these for you too, my dear sister, for when you are ready to release your own shame, we will be one step closer to the world we wish to live in. That day is coming. And I am so proud to be a part of it all.





Shame comes in many ways to teach us just how incredibly worthy we are - simply by existing. Shame no longer controls my life, my relationships or how I show up. Shame and I will always be good friends, but for now, at least, I am taking the path less traveled. The one where shame is a memory. Join my workshop Oct 28-Nov 1 to get deeper insights about how shame is blocking you from fully, wholehearted living authentically. www.donnianastasia.com/5dayworkshop


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DISCLAIMER: As with all health related issues, by law, I cannot claim any of the information presented as sole medical treatment for any condition. The innate intelligence of your body knows the answer and as such must be discussed with your preferred medical professional assisting you on your path of health and healing. I ask you to do your due diligence and be responsible for your own health. My purpose is to share holistic healing and transformation for educational purposes only. As the Buddha said, no matter who said it, even if I have said it, disregard if it does not resonate with your own soul. 

©2025 DONNIA ANASTASIA, HLC, AHC, ABS, LMP, EOLD, BFA 

No part in full partial shall be reproduced without written permission from the author.

© 2025 DONNIA ANASTASIA

THE YEAR OF MAKE BELIEVE

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